Sin and Faith; In a World of Faithless Sin

  My name is Alexis Rathbone.  I am a 28  year old unwed mother.  And YES I believe in God!  My life plan was to be a good christian who waited until marriage to start my family.  However, that did not go according to plan.  Hence the title of my blog, Living in Sin : Building My Faith.
  As I sit in my living room typing this blog I remember all the things I wanted to say for my first post.  But some how its not quite coming out the way I think I thought it would.  I look around my everyday life and can not imagine how the world has become the way it is.  It truly does amaze and disturb me.
  I was in Ulta last week and at the register I noticed the advertisement for a mascara.  I was none to impressed.  The advertisement was a quite busty woman, with a Jessica Rabbit figure and clothing option, looking at you with this, 'You know you want me look'.  Most of the ad was her breast cleavage.  I'm not all to sure what the point in that was.  For crying out loud it's a mascara, not a Victoria's Secret ad.  I'm sorry but I'm surely not buying a mascara because it is sold with a bearly clothed, all you see is boobs, seductress for the ad.
  Recently I was in Walgreen's and was looking at nail polish.  There was a section with a great price and wonderful colors.  I was excited that I would be able to get a few different colors for the price of one at it's regular sale price.  I was just about to pick my last color when I noticed the brand name, 'Sinful...'.  I was taken aback by the idea that sin is used in the name of a nail polish.  Talk about your blatant subliminal messaging.
  Honestly I never thought I would consider the name of a product before buying it or the ad for that matter.  I mean everyone knows that sex sells in this day and age, and as such society is flooded with the constant pictorials. I believe that at some point I must have become immune to the constant barrade of unnecessary use of half naked women and  men to advertise things like body wash and now mascara.

  So what is Sin?  Webster defines sin as 1) an offense esp. against God. 2) FAULT 3) a weakened state of estranged from God. 4) an action that is or is felt to be highly reprehensible.  While these definitions are true, sin is any thought or action that goes against the Word of God.

Time for confession. I am living in sin.  I have been with the same man for 12 years.  We live together and have a child together, yet we are not married.  I know right.  How does a person who is living in sin have the right to publish a blog telling other people what sin is?  I'm glad you asked.
  You see, this blog is not just about living in sin and building my faith.  It's about sharing my journey with others.  There is more than just one person, who believes in God, believes in the Word and yet has been unable to let go of the habitual sin, which creates a divide between us and God.  This sin may be the same scenario as mine, or it may be; drinking excessively, abusing others, lying, cheating, stealing, or any othe action which goes agianst the Word of God.  The fact of the matter is we all sin.
  So for those of us out there who are not quiet sure on how to build our faith in our sinful world, what better way than to do it together.

  I titled this post, Sin and Faith; In a World of Faithless Sin, for a reason.  You see, in the beginning, my life plan was that I would wait until marriage.  Now I must admit it really wasn't hard for me to get through adolescence and not sucumb to the pressures of having sex.  I felt no need to even have a real boyfriend until the seventh grade.  Looking back it really was an infatuation and not the need to have a real boyfriend.  However, I wasn't even worried about boys.  Sure I had boyfriends in school, but sex really was the last thing on my mind, even in high school.  I had made my mind up on the matter and that was that.  So what happened you ask?
  I had meet a nice guy who I fell in love with.  I had experienced a few special loves before him, but there was something different about this one.  For beginners, when I meet him I had sworn off dating.  I was ready to just have some me time and not worry about the boys and drama that came with it.

  Are you seeing the same pattern as I am?  My life plan seems to always lead to a big deviation that takes me in the complete opposite direction of the plan.

  As I was saying the plan was no boys!  And that failed miserably.  Now I'm glad it did.  I just wish sometimes it would have unraveled a little differently.  The thing is that I was faithless.  I had lacked faith in our relationship and in Gods plan, that we would survive the mess that I had made.  So what do I do?  Make a bigger one of course.
  He was away at school and I was finishing my senior year of high school.   While he was away I was in a state of naive vulnerability.  Let me tell you it is no place for a young lady to be.  I made mistakes that hurt our relationship, however in my defence those mistakes did not include changing my mind about waiting.  Until the night that changed my life, my heart and my spirit.
  I will spare the details but lets just say I was none to pleased with the situations I unwittingly placed myself in.  It truly is amazing I even have a trusting bone in my body after that night.  I do thank God that it did not go as far as it could have gone.  I did tell my boyfriend about what had happened and it really did some damage. 
  You see he had warned me and I just didn't see what he saw.  I just thought he was the jelous boyfriend, partly because he is the only one who thought to warn me.  It was then that I thought we were over.  I was sure he was going to leave me for good.  So I made a choice to give the only thing I had left to give.  And no it was not because I wanted to trap him or keep him or anything sinister as that.  It was mearly because he is who I wanted to share that part of me with.

  So what is Faith?


  Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1
I had lost my faith and began living a life of faithless sin.  Not because I didn't want to be a good christian, but because I didn't understand enough to believe or believe enough to understand.  To be honest I still have a long way to go, even 10 years later.

  In my most recent past I have experienced a stronger connection to God and what he has in store for me and my family.  I have been filled with a portion of the blessings that he has to offer and the desire to change.  I feel a sense of urgency to grow into a child of God.  To live my life in such a way that his love radiates through me and no one would be able to deny that God is in me.

  Isaiah 53:10  Therefore I will divide him a portion with the great,
                        And He shall divide the spoil with the strong,
                        Because He poured out His soul unto death,
                       And He was numbered with the transgressors,
                       And He bore the sin of many,
                       And made intercession for the transgressors.

 A loving, caring, most generous man, carried a cross while being beaten and spat on, paraded up Calvary's Hill  to be persecuted in front of everyone.  Why?  For you and for me.  To cleanse us of our sins.  He took each lashing for each of my sins, so that I may go be with Him at the end of my days.  And He did the same for you.  So I ask, how can we walk sinfully through this world knowing that, if we do, His passion will be in vain?

  Ephesians 2:8  For by grace you have been saved, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God.


  So I invite you to follow me as I continue my journey to Building My Faith and moving away from Living In Sin.  Together we can minister to each other by sharring our testamonies and we will walk this journey together.